What will you accept?

11 Jun

Today I had the notion to text a male friend who I hadn’t heard from in a few weeks. After spending time together and getting to know one another it was my understanding he was dealing with some family crisis issues. But the issues seemed to come back to back. Next thing I know he’s texting me that he ended up in the hospital himself. I was definitely sorry to hear this, but a bit baffled and perturbed that during this time he decided not to contact me. He decided to deal with his issues and I was basically an after thought. Well today after a standard good morning text, my next move was to really let him have it. I complained about how I worried and how it would have been nice to hear from him. The next thing I said was his actions made me feel like I was just the girl of the week. And you know what he said to me, wow what does that say about you?

What will you accept?

His question took some of the fire out of my argument. As rude and unexpected as his statement was, in a way he was right. I think it was Oprah who said we teach people how to treat us. What was I teaching him about how to treat me? If he decided to deal with his issues and not involve me then I should have been applauding those efforts. If I never hear from him again, well then I wish him well. I was willing to accept the lack of communication and just move on to when am I going to see you again? Really, I should have been ready to leave him alone. So many more men out there to meet.  Why invite drama in my already busy life?

The question I had to ask myself is – what will I accept? How am I teaching people how to treat me? If I accept the okey doke and just go along with the flow when I’m really feeling neglected and abused inside then I’m not truly honoring myself. And really, with no children and no obligations, this single life is the perfect time for me to honor myself. Not in a selfish way, but then again, what’s wrong with being a little selfish right now? I heard a speaker once say women apologize way too much in business. I would have to say in our personal lives as well.  Why are we apologizing for living our lives to the best of our ability? 

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of apologizing in my actions and in my words. I won’t accept the okey doke any longer. If he doesn’t call or communicate then I will leave him alone. I will resist the urge to wonder what happened, to say I miss you and all the other stuff that makes me cringe with disbelief on the inside. Miss what? Do you even care about him after he hasn’t contacted you in weeks? And if so why? Not at all saying be mean or rude, but be firm. Stand on your ground and know you deserve better. If something is happening in his life that prevents him from contacting you then let him go deal with that. No need to follow up.

If you’re important to him, he will figure out a way to make you matter. That’s the one thing I’ve learned.. men will do what they have to do to show how they feel for you.

So, in matters of love and relationships, what will you accept?


3 Responses to “What will you accept?”

  1. Nicole 06/11/2009 at 2:45 pm #

    Amen! Maria, I think that it is time for ALL of us to live that life that GOD would have us live. I too learned the hard way being a single mother, in my numerous relationships with the wrong men, there comes a time in our lives when we get tired of being sick and tired and dealing with the same mess over and over! Continue to write to empower and encourage yourself and others! I am glad that you are pursuing your destiny, with GOD in the lead, there is no failure only opportunities for more growth! Love ya, NMC

    • gogetitgirl 06/11/2009 at 2:51 pm #

      Thanks Nicole! I agree… when you deal with the same mess over and over again something inside you just says enough. My question is when do we get to the point where we listen to that feeling?

  2. Tesha Benjamin 08/25/2009 at 5:04 pm #

    Great stuff!! Keep it coming.

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