My Pre-30 Blues

7 Sep

December 15th is coming fast and while this day is just an ordinary day for most, its the day where I celebrate another year of life.  This year I will celebrate turning the big 3-0.

I think the biggest dread I have about turning 30 is that I’m still single and child-less and 2012 will mark the 10th anniversary of my time in singledom. Can I just be honest? It stinks.

I know I should be happy and enjoy this time in my life, but 10 years sure is a long time.  I feel like God has forgotten all about me in this area of my life. Like I’m drowning in a pool and he is the lifeguard looking down too busy to save me. And when I see all the wonderful pictures of  my friends and family in relationships, getting married and having children,  I can’t help but wonder if it will ever be me. Right now, it doesn’t feel like it ever will.

Recently a former classmate mentioned that it’s time for me to start having babies. The only problem with that theory is that I’m not looking for just a sperm donor. I want a husband. When people say stuff like that they don’t realize its really not helpful.

Turning 30 makes me realize that realistically I have about 10-15 years left to safely carry and give birth to a child.  I know people are having children well into their 50’s, but honestly who wants to be 70 when their child is graduating from high school?

I wonder sometimes if I just need to face the reality that I may have to  either settle for just some man  or be content living life all alone. Part of me just wants to shut my heart off completely and just make the decision for myself to be alone. That seems like an easy answer, but I’d just be lying to myself. Its difficult when your heart wants something that feels so far away.  Even though I want to give up all hope that love will ever happen for me, I still have hope. I don’t want to become so jaded by the lack of love that I miss out on what’s in front of me.

The difficult part about being a go-getter is realizing there are some areas of life that you simply can’t control. The question is, can you accept that in life there will be things you can’t control?

Singles: What works for you when you feel down about your love-life?

If you’re in a relationship: What was it that worked for you? How did you meet that special person and what advice would you give to others who are looking?

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9 Responses to “My Pre-30 Blues”

  1. Nicole 09/07/2011 at 10:19 pm #

    Being Single is NOT the end of the world. Take it as a blessing. When you truly have God in your heart, you will NOT feel lonely… Actually, you won’t even be phased by the fact that you are single. Provided, I did have my one and only child at age 30. I have been single for 10 years and have never been happier. I am 41 now.

    So, enjoy your singleness. Work on you, who you are and what you have to offer when God does reveal that man for your.

    • gogetitgirl 09/07/2011 at 10:40 pm #

      Thanks Nicole! I think people should be honest about where they are in their lives. So instead of telling myself I should be happy, I’m just honest with myself. I do not like this period of my life, but the biggest question is how will I respond? And, how can I use this time to prepare? If it never happens then I’ll have to accept it and live a fabulous life.

    • Patricia 09/29/2011 at 12:09 am #

      One has to know what season one is in and like Nicole said prepare and work on yourself. I am single and in my early 50s so waiting is something that I have no choice but to do. Maybe God is preparing you and him. Pray for patience and God’s timing.

  2. Brandy 09/08/2011 at 1:09 am #

    Just think of turning 30 as entering into a new chapter of your life! I’ve been single for a while, but I’m looking at it as taking the time to get to know me.

    • gogetitgirl 09/08/2011 at 1:50 am #

      I like that Brandy – A new chapter in my life. That may be another blog!

      • Rob 09/27/2011 at 6:10 am #

        slow your roll. 30 yrs old is not the end there is so much to do before you have kids, get married, a career, travel. this just gives you time to find the right person. 50% marriages fail right now and i’m sure you don’t want to raise a child in an unhappy home or alone. WOW take your time find the right one or they’ll find you but don’t rush.

  3. Gia 09/09/2011 at 3:58 pm #

    I can’t for the life me understand why so many women have 30 as this magic number of when their life is supposed to be together. I turned 30 this year and I was excited! Now I have a lot of things that I still want to accomplish, but Lord willing, I’m not even halfway through my life yet. 10-15 years to get married and have kids…that seems like a long time to me. And no, maybe you won’t have a whole household of kids, just 1 or 2, or maybe your husband isn’t the ideal perfection that wished and hoped for, but if he’s attractive to you and treats you right, perhaps he was worth the wait.

    Yeah it sucks when you see everyone else doing and having the things that you wish you had, but I bet if you asked them, they wished they had a lot of the things that you have in your singleness. Being able to do what you want, when you want, not answering to anyone, being able to travel, and pick up and go as you please…priceless!

    • gogetitgirl 09/29/2011 at 12:22 am #

      Hi Gia – I like your perspective. Maybe its all about “reframing” the situation. I think alot of women felt 30 WOULD be that age were things would be all lined up. I can’t tell you how many 20-something single women I’ve talked to who also felt they would have been married by 30. The question is what do you do now that your dream hasn’t happened. All you can do is continue to move forward.

  4. victorybydesign 09/15/2011 at 3:32 pm #

    Alright, I may be outside my bounds, but I would like to summarize a message that my Pastor preached a few weeks back.
    1. The first thing any single person needs to realize is that because you are single does not make you less than whole. You have to recognize you are and operate as if you are a whole person spiritually, emotionally, and mentally first.
    2.After that transition, you should put yourself in environments where other whole people of the opposite sex meet, greet, and congregate. FYI, that is not the club.
    3. Never settle for someone because of any timeline, grow with someone for life.
    4. One last thing to remember is that the growth part is painful at times because either one or both of you are transforming from being two whole people to one unit.

    Be Blessed
    Ahmad

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